Once there was a boy who wanted to be a man who wanted to seek out the evils of the known and unknown worlds and beat the snot out of them. He haunted the libraries and places of knowledge, gathering data and apocryphal stories alike in the hopes of identifying and destroying the evils.

He laughed at himself as he did this, because he believed evil to be subjective, and not generally embodied in fiery demons, undead spooks, suit-clad comic book power brokers or nation-snatching zombie Nazis. Imagine his surprise when one day he ran across one such evil on his way home.

Now, one thing he had learned from all the literature on spanking 3vil was that you don't go destroying things without a well-established reason. To make a long story short, he stalked the thing for a few straight hours and found that it was causing serious problems, so he went forth and spanked it.

After beating the evil to within an inch of its life, he interrogated it and discovered that there were others like it all over the place. He then dispatched said evil and went after its buddies. The boy became comparatively aggressive, and while the evils did not provoke him directly, he hunted them down and slew them. In the process, the boy didn't laugh quite as much anymore because he saw that the evils he had read so much about really did exist. He didn't find the brand of suffering they caused particularly funny.

Anyway, at some point the boy really did become a man, at no specific age, and at some point in his manhood he declared that he had destroyed evil so assiduously that no more of the evils he had read about in his childhood remained. So he put away his slingshots and his swords and his pens and his guns, and then he sat down and rested.

While he was resting, some of the evils (which, as you can probably tell, were not completely wiped out) broke into his house and murdered him in three places. Then they threw him into a shallow grave without burying him. The end."